How to prepare and handle challenging conversations about cancer in the workplace

Key takeaways

• Approach conversations by being prepared with the right information and an attitude that you will listen and let the employee with cancer lead

• Phrases that show you care can be helpful, but remember that they may appreciate being able to talk about normal life as well

• Don’t end your initial conversation without talking about next steps and creating communication plan

• If your employee has cancer recurrence or Stage 4 cancer, take their lead and let them talk about how they’re feeling

When you find out that someone in your team has cancer, it’s normal to feel distressed. It’s also normal not to know how to respond to the news or talk about their diagnosis. There’s no rulebook when it comes to having conversations about cancer, but if you aren’t sure what to say, this article provides some helpful advice.

Acknowledge your discomfort

Talking to someone about their cancer diagnosis can feel awkward or uncomfortable, especially if you haven’t experienced supporting someone with cancer at work before. It’s okay to tell them that you aren’t sure what to say, and they will likely appreciate your honesty. It’s also important that you have your own support in place to share your emotions and any practical challenges you may face in supporting your employee.

Be prepared

Be prepared with information on benefits and support available in your workplace and let your employee know you have information if they wish to go through it.

Create space for them

If someone in your team has been diagnosed with cancer, they may be experiencing a variety of emotions, including fear, anger, sadness and anxiety, and it will take time to process these. As a manager, it’s important to provide space for them to express their emotions. You don’t have to have answers and you don’t need to offer advice. It’s okay to simply take the news in, let the person express themselves in whatever way they wish, and take note of any questions they have.

Respect their privacy

People react differently to a cancer diagnosis. Some may be willing to discuss how they feel while others may not be as open, and this is okay. If they don't want to talk about how they’re feeling, let them know you are there for them if they change their mind. It is important to keep any information they share with you confidential. You can ask if you can share the news with HR, or Occupational Health, but you must respect their decision.

Listen and let them lead

This is key. While you might be worried about what to say or saying the right thing, it’s important to recognise that sometimes saying nothing at all is best. Allowing the person to speak about their diagnosis freely, without responding or trying to give the correct answers or false reassurances, can give them the chance to air their feelings and concerns without any expectations or judgement. Try not to ask too many questions, and let them lead conversations about their diagnosis and next steps.

Show you care

When talking to someone with cancer, the most important thing is that your words are sincere and that if you offer help, you follow through with it. If you want to show you care and that you are thinking of them, you can say things like:

• ‘I’m sorry you are going through this’

• ‘I don’t know what to say but I want you to know I’m here for you’

• ‘I’m here if you’d ever like to talk’

• ‘How are you feeling?’

• ‘Is there anything you need?’

Don't be afraid to talk about normal life

When someone is diagnosed with cancer, it can be easy for this aspect of their life to become the main focus of conversation. However, many people will appreciate talking about other things – both for a sense of normality and to prevent their diagnosis from becoming all-encompassing. It's okay to continue having conversations about everyday things. If your relationship with them has always included humour, then make sure it’s still part of it following their diagnosis – just ensure it’s at appropriate times.

Try to avoid the following

While we would never want to hurt someone's feelings, some comments can come across as insensitive. Try to avoid the following:

1. Comments about their appearance, such as, ‘You’ve lost weight’ or ‘You’re looking pale’.

2. Stories about other people you know who have had cancer, especially if the outcome of the story you are sharing isn’t positive.

3. Comments such as, ‘Everything is going to be fine’ or ‘Keep your hopes up’, may come from a well-meaning place but can undermine their feelings. 

Agree on next steps

When you first hear about a cancer diagnosis for someone in your team, it’s important to agree on how you’ll communicate going forward – perhaps they’ll call you again in a few days, or perhaps you’ll check in with them weekly. Be led by the individual, but ensure they are aware that you will stay in regular contact with them, whether they are at work or not. 

You should also agree a communication plan, if needed. If the person is taking time off work, agree with them what will be communicated to the wider team/organisation as required. If they are continuing to work through treatment, ask them what they wish to communicate to their colleagues, if anything, and whether you can help with this communication.

Summary

• It’s okay not to know what to say when an employee has cancer; what’s more important is to make space for their feelings, listen and let them lead

• If possible, preparation for conversations about their cancer diagnosis by understanding your organisations’s legal obligations and agree on next steps 

• Try to avoid making comments about their appearance, sharing stories about people you have known who have had cancer or making false reassurances

What to say to someone whose cancer has returned

If someone finds out their cancer has come back, it's normal for them to experience sadness, frustration, and fear. They may not react the same way that they did when they received their diagnosis the first time round, so be prepared for this and take a flexible approach to communication.

If they expected it to return, they may feel strong and ready to face treatment, in which case, mirroring their feelings may be appreciated. If they feel like they are too emotionally and physically weak to go through it again, then giving them space to talk through their feelings may help them feel more prepared.

What to say to someone with stage four cancer

When an employee receives a diagnosis of stage four cancer, it can be difficult to know what to say, but it’s important to let the person in your team lead the conversation and talk about as much or as little as they feel comfortable with. But stay open-minded. Some people with stage four cancer will continue to be 'well' and on treatment, often for many years, and it’s not uncommon for them to want to continue working in some capacity.

For those whose prognosis is less hopeful or when cancer is progressing  there may be practical help that an employer can offer such as  early ill health retirement, or information an employee may ask about death in service benefits,  When approaching such topics, be led by the individual making sure that the employee knows you are still there for support. Answer any questions they may have, and have information ready to share with them when the time is right.