This article aims to build a manager's understanding of the carer experience, so they can better support an employee whose loved one has cancer.

Key takeaways

• The most important thing for a manager to understand is that a cancer diagnosis affects everyone close to the patient

• Every caring situation is different, and rarely linear, so it’s important not to make assumptions about what employees are going through. Instead, be open and flexible.

• Carers often grieve in anticipation of a future loss. Equally, they may continue to act as carer well beyond their loved one’s treatment.

• Your role as manager is not to be a cancer or legal expert, but to be consistent and reliable in the support you provide

It can be difficult, as a manager, to understand what an employee caring for a loved one with cancer is going through. While it’s tempting to make assumptions about their experience or support needs, or to feel that you need to be an expert in cancer or legislation, the most important thing you can do is to listen, be consistent and reliable in your support, and to understand some basic things about caring. This article shares seven factors that are helpful to understand as you think about how to support a carer in your team. 

Cancer affects the whole family

A cancer diagnosis has a ripple effect, impacting everyone close to the person diagnosed. It’s common for family members, and sometimes close friends, to take on practical, emotional and physical caring roles, and these can be substantial. In fact, while the nature of the impacts are different for patient and carer, they can be just as significant, yet carers tend to receive far less formal support. 

Every caring situation is different

The relationship between the employee and the person with cancer matters, as caring for a partner is different to caring for a parent, a child or a sibling. Additionally, the type of cancer, stage of treatment and prognosis all impact the carer’s experience. Some carers are the primary means of support for the person with cancer, while others are one of several, and the level of responsibility varies significantly in each case. 

It’s important to avoid assumptions about what the individual employee is experiencing or what is expected of them. Instead, ask open questions such as, ‘What impact does this have on you?’

A cancer experience isn’t linear

Cancer treatment does not follow a predictable path, and every person’s experience is unique to them. Even cases of the same cancer, or same treatment plan, can have very different impacts and demands on carers. There may be periods of relative stability followed by sudden deterioration. Treatments may end and then restart, or there may be significant gaps between different treatments. A patient may finish treatment and be given the all clear, only for the cancer to return later.

Carers live with this uncertainty and it does not automatically resolve when active treatment ends. That means you, as manager, must be prepared for the employee's needs to change over time, and sometimes suddenly, in response to their loved one’s situation changing. 

The end of active treatment is not the end of the impact

When active treatment ends for their loved one, a carer does not simply return to normal. There may be ongoing monitoring, late effects of treatment and continued caring responsibilities. Many patients start new medications and treatments after active treatment has concluded, aimed at reducing the risk of recurrence. These will have new side-effects to manage, and may impact a carer’s responsibilities.

The emotional processing of what the family has been through often begins only when the initial active treatment phase is over, so the carer may need continued support and flexibility well beyond the end of their loved one’s treatment.

Grief isn’t predictable

Carers supporting someone with a serious or stage four cancer diagnosis may be experiencing ‘anticipatory grief’ – grieving a loss that hasn’t yet happened. This is a recognised and significant emotional experience that can affect concentration, mood and behaviour at work in ways that you may not immediately connect to their caring role. 

As manager, you do not need to be a grief expert, but awareness of the possibility of anticipatory grief may help you to avoid misreading the employee's behaviour, or to recognise when the employee may need additional support. 

Carers have legal entitlements and protections

Employees with caring responsibilities will have legal rights that managers should be aware of, alongside any internal policies and processes. Some of these rights are the same for all employees – for example, the right to request flexible working or parental leave rights. Others, such as carers leave or protection from discrimination, are specific to carers. 

Always seek advice from your HR team before making any decisions that could affect the employee's terms or conditions, or if you are unsure what information to share with the employee about their rights.

Consistency and reliability are paramount

As a manager, you’re not expected to be a counsellor, a medical expert or a legal adviser. Your role is to be a consistent and reliable point of contact for the caring employee. Getting this right does not require perfection – it requires showing up, listening and following through on what you say you will do. If you’re finding the situation difficult yourself, seek support from HR or your own manager.