Key takeaways
- Respect their boundaries: Talking with your coworker is essential so that you can start to understand their boundaries and needs along with respecting your coworker’s privacy and confidentiality.
- Be flexible: A coworker with cancer may need time off for appointments, treatments and rest. They also may not be able to carry the same workload as they did before they received their diagnosis. Be prepared to cover some of their tasks or help them with their work duties if asked.
Ask questions: Asking them how they are feeling or how you can support them may be all that’s needed. For many people with cancer, having a ‘normal’ conversation is welcomed so you can also ask them day to day questions about their weekend or their family.
Learning that a coworker has cancer can be an upsetting, concerning and uncertain time for the entire team. If you aren’t sure about what to say or how you can support them, then you aren’t alone.
This guide provides information about how to offer support to a colleague as they navigate a cancer diagnosis, treatment and beyond.
What can I do for a coworker with cancer?
What to say and what not to say
It can be difficult to know what to say to a coworker that has a diagnosis of cancer. You may even feel awkward about starting a conversation, but it’s important that what you do say is sincere and empathetic. It’s ok to say ‘I’m thinking about you’ or ‘I’m sorry that this is happening to you’ as such phrases are simple yet don’t need a response unless your coworker chooses to give one. Keeping the dialogue going is really important. One conversation is rarely enough and this is particularly true when treatment comes to an end as this is the time when many people feel at their lowest and need support.
Avoid talking about other people you know who have had cancer. Cancer is an individual experience which is unique and complex. Avoid saying ‘everything will be fine’, ‘you must be feeling’ or ‘you are so brave…..’
While telling your coworker that everything will be alright may be well-meaning, overly positive comments can be unhelpful and minimise what your coworker is going through. What is sometimes referred to as ‘toxic positivity’ can cause a person to feel unable to talk about what is happening leading them to feel alone and isolated.
While it can feel helpful to comment on a person’s appearance this may not be helpful for your coworker even if you are telling them how good they look.
Remember that there are many ways other than face to face to check in with someone, text, Whatsapp, email and knowing what works for them can really help.
Learn about their diagnosis
Learning about your coworker’s diagnosis can help you understand what they’re going through. There is a wealth of resources available on and offline. Google can be a difficult place to navigate but if you stick to the cancer charity sites they are usually the most informative.
Depending on your relationship with your coworker, it might be appropriate to ask them to share information about their diagnosis. They may be able to share links with you that can help you understand what they might be going through both physically and emotionally.
Remember everyone is different. Whilst some people may find it upsetting to talk about their cancer, others may appreciate the opportunity to discuss their diagnosis and how it is affecting them. Take their lead and you’ll approach the subject more sensitively and in tune with how they’re feeling.
Treat them as you normally would
Whilst so much will have changed for the person with cancer having a ‘normal’ conversation will often be appreciated.
If your relationship with your coworker before their diagnosis was light-hearted and based on humour, it’s still ok to be this way with them. Look out for cues from your coworker and use your intuition to help you decide if it is the right time and occasion to do so.
Be mindful that they’ll need time off
If your coworker continues to work during their treatment, they are likely to need days off to attend appointments for treatment, have scans, and rest.
In their absence, you may be asked to take on extra responsibilities to help cover their workload. It may help to talk to your line manager so that you are clear on any change to your work duties.
Respect confidentiality
It’s up to your coworker to decide who they share their diagnosis with and what they tell people about their situation. Everyone is different and whilst one person may be very upfront and honest, another might prefer to keep things private.
Unless your coworker has explicitly said it’s ok to discuss with others, assume that anything you talk about with them about their cancer diagnosis should be kept to yourself.
Taking care of yourself
Whilst receiving a cancer diagnosis is tough for the person diagnosed, supporting someone with cancer can also be difficult. You are likely to experience a range of feelings which might be difficult to process and you may need support as well. Talking to your line manager or human resources department can be a good place to start as most organisations will have access to counselling and support in this situation.
If you’ve found this article helpful, you can get access to more our of latest resources and discover our range of leading cancer experts by creating a Perci Health account. You can also signpost your workplace to our employer page where they can find out more about how our innovative cancer care platform can support employees living and working with cancer.
While we have ensured that every article is medically reviewed and approved, information presented here is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have any questions or concerns, please talk to one of our healthcare professionals or your primary healthcare team.